Minus Effing 42

Yes that's the temperature with windchill. The actual temperature was only minus 26. I don't know why it matters. With windchill is like, actually, in reality, what your skin can feel. Actual temperature is only relevant if you are a protected thermometer for lab purposes.

So the day of my interview it was minus 39. The first question they asked me was, 'Would you be willing to go to San Antonio, Texas for a week ever month?' Hmmm, make it twice and you've got a deal.

Still no call back but the interview went really well. I was so much calmer than i am normally.

Only 10 days til the wedding. Tomorrow Valerie and I go for a makeup lesson at Holt Renfrew and try to decide on a pair of shoes.

Went to visit the computer geeks in town. They said i have a virus. Only $60 to repair. Sigh.

minus 22

Today we took my Dad to the neurologist. It was so amazing... he listened to us, all of us, introduced himself and asked all of our names. And he didn't get impatient when Dad was telling him about his allergy to grass, or with Me and Mom interrupting to contradict, 'Yes, you do too have trouble sleeping. That's why you take sleeping pills.' He even examined Dad and ordered tests. It was astonishing.

He had not, however, ever heard of the MRI that Dad had taken 3 weeks ago, or the results or anything else from our family doctor except for one letter.

Honestly!

It's effing minus 20 here today and minus 22 on Sunday. I can't believe how cold it is. Yesterday was only minus 13 and our pipes froze. They had to be thawed out with a hairdryer. How am i going to manage minus 22?

Poachers

Today Ryan Dodd (Warren's age) called to say there were three deer shot on the property between his land and ours. Some Yahoo or Yahoos, driving around with a loaded gun in their truck, must have seen the deer from the road and just shot them from their truck, not bothering to take them away for meat.

Who would do something like that? I think it must have been more than one, because it must be difficult to get the next two deer after you've just fired at the first one. Wouldn't they run away?

Ryan said he saw a green truck down by the creek quarter about a kilometer away. He doesn't think they would have done it because they looked like actual hunters, who would be shooting for meat. But he thinks maybe they might have noticed someting.

Mom and I went for a walk this morning. We were going to go have a wee look at the deer from the road. But Ryan's got a German Shepherd dog just older than a puppy that's always looking for something interesting to do. He followed us for awhile even though Mom shouted very aggressively, 'Git! Go Home!'. And the silly thing doesn't have the sense not to run in front of the huge feedlot trucks that are always going back and forth. So in the end we decided to turn back to make the dog go home.

I still can't believe someone just to shoot three deer from their truck and then leave them for nothing in the field. What assholes.

Twee Party

Yesterday was my new sister-in-law's bridal shower. All of the W.I. ladies hosted it at the Little Red Deer School House, our community hall, where my Dad and his sisters went to school until Grade Nine. All the ladies of the community were there from about age 40 onwards - about 20 women. (The men were all at home watching the Grey Cup.) It was so nice, so warm, so welcoming, especially considering that no one knew Michele - she's marrying in. But because she's marrying Barb T and Johnny's son, then she gets a shower. I was surprised that there were lots of gifts from people who weren't able to attend - really nice, thoughtful gifts. The hostess said that it was a sign that our familly was well thought of. That means that we've (my parents, my aunts, grandparents, cousins) been here for a long time, and have memories and connections with people.

Really it's a tribute to my Mom, because when they went around the circle to introduce themselves, many of the women said they'd never actually met Warren or Michele, but went on to say how much they'd treasured my Mom's friendship, or that my Dad was responsible for them meeting their husband (through school, not through matchmaking) or that they'd always enjoyed curling with my parents. Some of the people knew us too, people with kids who'd babysat us or had kids that played with us or had kids we used to babysit. And there were even gifts from other people that didn't really know my parents either, but they'd moved out here to an acreage, or were living in a trailer on some neighbour's farm, and it's almost like a requirement of moving here. If you live here, you need to send shower, baby and housewarming gifts, send your kids to the Hallowe'en and Christmas parties, go for walks and pick up litter, send pies to the fundraisers. If you can't manage it, then you should probably stay in town.

It was fun. Barb S read poems about how to have a happy marriage, Elna E introduced Michele to everyone by telling little stories about her. Shelly B walked around with a tray of kitchen utensils we all had to memorise. We played Bridal Gift Bingo, writing down all the gifts in our squares, and if Michele opened one of them you crossed it off.

Of course, someone else had given her the exact same lime-green cheese and snack tray that I'd spent all afternoon deliberating over - the one with little stick-figure reindeer running across it. I was trying to be original and not get her something off her list. That's what happens when everyone shops \ in town.

Michele opened a gorgeous set of tall thick-glass hi-ball tumblers with coloured rims. We were astonished - not one set of 4, not two, but four boxes of four! Of course, it would have to be Dorothy (my oldest friend's mother) - she loves a party. 'Whoever has just eight people for dinner? she said. 'I always get everything in sets of 24.' It's true really. My Mom never has less than 12 people for Christmas or Thanksgiving, and usually it's more like 18.

I suppose it's very tacky of me to talk about people's gifts, but i just thought everyone brought such sensible and beautiful things. And it didn't really matter that people didn't know Michele, or Warren, or even me and Valerie, because really everyone had come for the sake of a party, to chat with all the old friends they'd been waving at on the road for the last 10 years and not gotten around to visiting.

Sigh. It's all very twee and heartwarming but I like it.

(Oooh, and if Jennifer Lucy is reading this, they served matrimonial squares, cheese and raisin bread, nanaimo bars and brownies. Some people thought it was a shame that no one had thought to bring cut vegetables though. And instead of cards, everyone was supposed to write their favourite recipe out on a card and write a message for the bride on the back. They also gave her this year's edition of the Little Red Deer Dorcas WI cookbook, which everyone had to write some advice in.)

Losing it

My body is so malicious. And soo soo tricky.

It knows i'm only going to look at the belly to guage the success of the diet. So it steals all the fat from my arms and legs and sends it all in platoons and squadrons to reinforce the spare tire - leaving me looking like Suburban Barbeque Man, pulling my bermuda's up over my skinny ass while trying to shield my enormous belly from the fat spitlets.

I've caught on now though, so i won't be tricked into giving up. Does anyone else's body have tricky ways of getting them to give up the diet?

Another pleasant surprise about a small town - waxing.. I called Wednesday and got a full body appointment for Friday. That's the first shocker. Then, after having a half-leg, bikini, underarm, eyebrow AND half-leg massage (she's a masseuse so she just throws that in along with the waxing) ...she only charged me $40! Forty dollars Canadian! That's crazy.

She did a pretty good job too, though the legs are a bit stubbly. But no matter - it's guaranteed waxing. If you have any hair growth in the next two weeks, you can come back for a free touch-up. Have you ever heard of such a thing?

Mermaids

I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water and back.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

- T.S. Eliot,
"The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"

I've spent the day reading about mermaids. Bloodthirsty creatures.

I've been trying to write and feeling very hopeless. I think i know where i'm going and then i start and it all disappears. Seems like such a long way to the end. I know i need to think of it like practicing the piano. An hour every day. Or at least 15 minutes.

And after a week of suffering my sugar cravings, i can feel myself getting fatter around the middle, not smaller.

Still anyway, i am successful. After bashing my brains against the table, trying to write while my mother chatters in and out about wrapping paper and second-hand couches, i finally started to have things flow.

I went out to the garage for a cigarette - yes, i know - and listened out the back door. It sounded like a creature, or herd of creatures (not cows) was rushing for the door. Really. I kept looking into the field to see if it were deer. Then wondered if it was the sound of snow melting all at once and rushing down the hill. Or maybe wind pushing through the still-standing carcasses of the sunflowers. All this noise, and nothing coming. Surely it must be wind. But at the same time, sounding so much like hooves crunching through snow only without cow-shapes attached.

I wish the mermaids would stop singing each to each and sing to me instead.

Bye Bye Sugar Baby

This week i'm trying to cure myself of cravings. No cigarettes and, even harder, no sugar. It's the South Beach Diet, so that means no candy, chocolate, alchohol, starches, fruit or fruit juices.

I hardly know what to do with myself all day long. In some ways, it seems stupid to quit both of them at once. But to me it's quite sensible. They're both really the same thing - an oral fixation and something to do when you're trying to procrastinate, or fill up boredom. So how would it benefit me to give up sugar and smoke more, or give up smoking and eat more. It's just one addiction for another.

This way when i can't think what to do, i write something to keep my hands occupied, or clean something, or exercise, or take a sleeping tablet and go to bed at a reasonable hour.

Mostly it's okay. Yesterday i didn't have any sugar or cigarettes at all. But Monday and Tuesday i stopped quickly at Heather's work and had a cigarette with her. And last night, my mom's potluck and WI meeting, i had to sample some of everyone's homemade dessert.

Today, though, i really, really wanted a cigarette before i started filling out job applications so I drove all the way into town to borrow one from Heather. She wasn't there and I didn't want to own a whole pack so I drove all the way home again.

And now I've just had lunch - a veggie burger patty with salad and carrots (forbidden, high sugar content) and now all I want is a little snack to nibble on. But cannot bear the thought of any more nuts, cheese or yoghurt. Maybe I'll have some gum. Or a green pepper.

You see how much i've typed about nothing. It's to keep my hands occupied.

Spooks out

A month home and I've already ticked off four holidays: Sister, Dad, and Brother's birthday and Halloween. Plus the brother's birthday was also kind of a stag. It went really well too. The engineering/rock climbing types all came up from Calgary. Amazingly, Little Ken and I ruled the pool table! Also, the farmer/cattle ranch types were also there from town, a couple of cousins, the bride-to-be, sister and sis's injured boyfriend.

Dad went into the hospital by ambulance on Hallowe'en afternoon. We were very pleased once he stopped throwing up and started feeling fine. He felt guilty for taking up a hospital bed but apparently you have to call the ambulance twice in a week and throw up some blood to get the doctor to actually open both eyes while he's speaking to you.

Today we get to go for the long-awaited MRI. I'm really starting to believe the problem is a drug side-effect. He's been off his meds for the last two weeks and I now catch him wandering about a bit. He even went up the stairs twice yesterday.

For Hallowe-en i skipped the costume party in the city and stayed home with Mom. We had enough candy for fifty kids but only got two, so now we have to eat the rest ourselves. My tricker treating was dressing up as a rig pig in a puffy vest, work gloves and rubber boots and running around the farm with a flashlight, nicking keys out of all the vehicles - at least 15 including two tractors, a combine, the swather, two grain trucks, a few rusting half-tonnes, a quad and a riding lawn mower. And it was chilly!

This is all to thwart would-be joy riders. Does this actually happen? Probably about as often as someone puts razer blades in apples - which has never, ever happened. But 40 years ago, cousin Sandy and the Morrison boys put a bale of straw in the car and cut the twine. And sixty years ago, the same crew of renegade cousins took the Bennett Buggy apart and put it back together on the roof of the barn.

So, you just never know.