talking to God on the big white phone

I've had the flu since Saturday, and it's horrible. And frustrating and disgusting.

The drugs here are no good. You can't get anything good enough to knock out your symptoms and knock you off to sleep. All the really good drugs have caffeine in them and are non-drowsy, presumably for those working mothers and high-flying execs that just don't have time for a cold. What about those of us who want to take time for a cold? A cold is like little holiday from God, or the universe, or your body. A 'take time to sleep, watch mindless telly, get started on that reading pile by the bed and lose five lbs' kind of holiday. And so you don't need to be on freaky cold drugs that keep you awake (at least not at home by yourself), but on freaky cold drugs that put you to sleep. Glorious sleep!

All i had last night were these damned Lem Sips don't clear your sinuses or put you to sleep. It's a hot lemon drink with paracetamol and a decongestant, but not so's you'd notice. And Sorted believes you're not meant to have them hot at all, but luke warm in a little cocktail glass. Throw it back quick before the medicine loses it's magic. Uuugh. These cultural differences. Where's the whisky?

So after retiring at 11:30 i woke again at 1:30 unable to breathe. Up again for several hours of Lem Sips and reading and breathing through my mouth. Finally, at 5:30 i decided to brave bed again. Started feeling all sick to my stomach and dizzy and then...

Flash. flash, flash. lights in and out. i want to wake up, i can't. i can't open my eyes even though i know i'm dreaming. i don't like this dream. wake up. keep trying to move or speak or something to wake me up. And i keep seeing flashes of light, and then the floor, the toilet, the porcelein, the bottom of a towel.

Suddenly i jerk awake and stand up. i'm in the bathroom. I was sitting on the edge of the tub feeling unwell, and then i must have fainted and fell down in the space between the toilet and the wall. (clean, fortunately)

It was really scary. I hate that feeling of being trapped and helpless. I know something's wrong and i need to wake up but i can't open my eyes or move or speak. Or make all the flashing of lights and objects stop so i can just sink back to sleep. Perhaps my mind woke up before my body or maybe my body before my mind and i was flickering my eyelids before being fully conscious.

Anyways, had a panic that i had overdosed on Lem Sips or something and was afraid to go to sleep after that, even though i finally felt really tired. And, strangely, completely unblocked sinuses. Totally healthy and clear, in fact. What causes that? Adrenaline?

So called poor Sorted at 5:30 am and rambled on in a panicky kind of way about lem sips and flashing lights, until he woke up and i explained it again normally. Finally agreed that he would call me at 8 and then drop by later in the morning, just to make sure i hadn't overdosed. I'm fine now though. Really. And i've got some new drugs.